i don’t want to be alone

i don’t want to be alive

i just want to curl up in the corner of my empty room and

probably die

 

i know i can’t

i know i won’t

what i don’t know is tangled around my brain and won’t let go

of my throat

 

why can’t you be here

simply sitting beside me

your arm around my shoulders

telling me it’s okay to cry

 

it isn’t the time

we’re not in the right place

but fuck this emptiness

fuck this lonely space

 

everything inside me

tells me to fight

but i want to give up

on this grip i hold tight

 

i see everything i could’ve ever wanted

coming alive

but you’re not here for it

do i stay busy to survive

 

this shit storm i’ve endured

i don’t even recognize

the pain that paints my walls

the moments i’m paralyzed

 

choking on lies

swallowing doubt

letting it stay inside me

like a demon that won’t come out

 

you’d say the right things

i know you’d try

so why am i burying these feelings

when i just want to fly

 

please tell me i’m misguided

that this was never for keeps

tell me i’m crazy

and i’ll go back to sleep